That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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