Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize