Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize