how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
