So drunk its hurt
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
