So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
