he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
