dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
