We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
