Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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