The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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