sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
