i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
