i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
