It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
