I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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