did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize