but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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