so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
