I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
