before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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