Apparently you make a good broom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This baby is an asshole
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
