Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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