Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize