i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
