I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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