You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
