WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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