there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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