So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
