everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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