Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
