To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
