you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
