Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
