At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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