Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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