do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
