every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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