Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
