Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
