You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
