theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
