I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize