Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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