She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i think i have herpe
just one?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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