My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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