Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
