I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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