i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need a beard to bite.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
