I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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