I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
