Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
false alarm. still invincible.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize