I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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