I am puke
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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