The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
lol hangovers are for mortals.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
