i just google imaged poop.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize