apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
God I need to hump something, right now.
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