Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
