He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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