I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
