i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
