Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
