have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
