he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
