Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
