from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
