OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm always down for nudity.
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