I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
