Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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