not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
