last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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